Tag: “shouts and murmurs”
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I just passed an acapella group in front of Neiman’s in coordinated red and green velvet pants and I didn’t find myself using strangers as human shields to avoid accidentally making eye contact with the token beatboxing black guy who went to an Ivy League and exclusively dates white women now (it’s always that one)…
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It was a Hump Day like all the rest with the exception of the one 6 weeks prior, when Luke was fired after it was discovered that he was using his lunch breaks to feverishly masturbate in the handicapped stall. Well, it wasn’t so much that he was masturbating at work, which was a bit…
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The other week I had a moment where I went to rub my nose only to feel a thin, hardened line of confusion dancing across the weird protruding part of my nose or “tip” as ones who are more versed in human anatomy call it. A crusted booger. No doubt about it. As it was…
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With the close of another quarter upon us once again, it is with the most exuberant and loving of hearts that I give you a dash of what’s been going on in my world with the Season of Deborah Quarterly newsletter! Yay! I’ll start with the big news, which I’m sure you all have heard…
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I’ll fight you if I see this foolery on your profile. Jk. I’ll keep swiping as I’m far too passive for alladat… Unless you sexy then none of this applies. Just toss them pics up and I WILL make myself right at home in your dms. ‘Sup. Ahhh, le online dating. A way to allow…
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Thursday, Sept. 13, 2018 Local Elementary School serving as Polling Place 7:42am Voting Booth Worker: Excuse me! Hello! Are you the woman on TV with the car? Me: Um…? Who? Voting Booth Worker: The woman from TV! It’s a commercial and the lady says, “look at this car” and then you go “ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!” Me: Oh,…
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Monday, Sept. 10, 2018 Midtown office building 5:33pm Fire Marshall over PA: We’re going to be doing a few tests on the fire alarm system here in the building so please ignore any and all audio and visual signals you may see. 5:36pm **man engulfed in flames frantically runs through the office screaming** **everyone in office…