I needed this shelter in place. I needed to be forced to sit down, stripped of all obligations and distractions save for work, and simply focus. We’re three weeks in and I have to say the shelter in place order has been… refreshing.

Calming.

Necessary.

The only analogy that makes the most sense to me is this is sort of like being on vacation. A vacation not in the sense that I’m awarded the opportunity to be anywhere exotically intoxicating fully immersing myself in a foreign culture; waking up with an itinerary full of places to discover or satisfying my palate with local food and drinks. Far from it and frankly, had I known I would be self-isolating for an extended amount of time, I would have packed up and headed somewhere a bit more tropical and isolated than the suburbs of Atlanta like Cristiano Ronaldo.

Just kidding.

I’m poor.

Granted, I certainly fall on the privileged side of this fiasco as I and my family still have our jobs and health intact, but when I say this whole experience has felt like a vacation, I mean it has placed me in the same tranquil and calming mindset that I usually only allow myself to escape to while on vacation. I am being forced to simply chill for the health and wellness of not only myself, but millions of others. It’s like when your boss forces you to take your unused sick days at the end of the year. Go with me on this and pretend most corporations support a healthy work/life balance for their employees.

It’s a reclaiming of my time, mind, and body– a reprieve I didn’t know I so desperately needed.

No pressure to get up at 6am for the gym.

No pressure to rush back home and get dressed for work.

No pressure to pick a cute work outfit.

No pressure to leave the house during that sweet spot that allows me to miss traffic, but still get to my desk at an appropriate time only to still sit in an hour of traffic in spite of leaving during the sweet spot which it turns out others have now discovered making my research moot.

No pressure to hang out late enough at work to avoid having to sit in another hour of traffic to come home.

No pressure to meal prep.

No pressure to attend social gatherings I foolishly agreed to knowing damn well I’d regret them once the day arrived.

No pressure to try and find friends to attend last minute plans.

No pressure to fill my weekends and evenings with activities to make sure I’m maximizing on my precious free time and filling it with things I actually care about.

No pressure to find time to satiate at least some of my numerous personal hobbies and interests.

No pressure to be “on” in public because being overly introverted really doesn’t get you that far these days.

No pressure to go to bed on time.

No pressure to amble through all of this day after day after day after day.

No pressure to be anywhere.

No pressure to do anything.

I can just be.

It’s rather nice.

Perhaps all of this says more about me and how much exhausting effort I have to put into my daily existence, but for the first time in months, I can honestly say I feel happy. I have a slate almost completely devoid of obligations and suddenly a wallet full of time and money actually because I’m certainly not out blowing it (“I’m rich, biatch!,” she jubilantly exclaims only slightly wealthier after missing just three weekends of barhopping and eating out). The sudden termination of 90% of the activities I often find myself immersed in has forced me to pivot and return to the projects and hobbies I love and that fulfill a sense of purpose in me, but often find themselves placed into that “if I have time later” category.

Narrator: She would never find time later.

I have to admit that initially, I wasn’t as excited about being forced to stay home. What would I even do with all of that boring ass free time? Read??? LOL!

Then, it hit me.

Actually, yeah. I would read.

I haven’t made time to finish a book in years. While I’m at it, I could probably knock out some art projects, rejigger my diet, look into investing (because the market is going to be crazy to observe the next few months) and hell, I bet I could even find time to write again! Fingers to keys flowing with thoughts not related to some mundane work Powerpoint or passing some armchair judgment on r/90DayFiance during a live watch party.

Hello, blog. I’ve missed you.

My perspective about this new reality was all wrong. I wasn’t used to having a plethora of distractions at my disposal to keep me from doing the things I used to love.

I’m ashamed to admit that it took an entire pandemic to force me to finally slow down, stop distracting myself with pointless shit, and re-evaluate how I was spending my time by eliminating the pressures associated with it. This is an exercise in stillness. Who can I become when it’s just me and time?

Now, I completely understand that this is a global pandemic costing lives and financial burden to many with no apparent end in sight and my expressing gratitude for the forced self-isolation may not be the most palpable of stances, but I can think of no better opportunity to re-evaluate our perspectives on life in general than now.

This sucks, it’s scary, and we really have no way of combatting this virus, but to stay home to and reduce the spread, which could take months including our precious summer. Once we make peace with the shitty aspects of our reality, we have to change our perspectives to not make the next few months a living hell. I recognize it’s very easy to get caught up in the negativity of the situation. It’s grave and unlike anything many of us have ever seen and will hopefully never see again. However, if you are doing your part by practicing social distancing, focusing on the negative aspects of the situation does nothing for your mental well-being.

We’re alone with minimal distractions and ample time most of the day making it very easy to let our minds get caught up in the negative realities surrounding corona. The news is incessant and every two minutes there’s some new development (so we should all be wearing masks made of either handkerchiefs or old bras in public now?). I’ve seen many people lament over being “bored,” anger over being forced to remain indoors away from their outings with friends, annoyance over having their social calendar wiped cleaner than many people’s hands before Covid-19 and these are all valid frustrations.

They’re also frustrations we have to get over.

The playing field is now leveled. Rich, poor, educated, illiterate, we’re all in our homes with nothing but time. Our most valuable personal commodity has somehow found its way back to us. We land on this earth not knowing how much of it we will have, but only that we need to make the best of it. We spend every waking moment trying to maximize it and do everything we think we should be doing with it so we aren’t “wasting” it. We develop ways to fill the time: social media, tv, drunken stupors with friends, jobs, working out, travel, romances, whatever until we realize we don’t have any more time.

This can be an incredible opportunity. No hobbies? Now’s the time to find one. Never enough time to sleep? Bedtimes are whatever you want them to be now. Lack of quality time with the family? They’re forced to hang with you.  

In that same vein, don’t feel like just because you aren’t capitalizing on this rare opportunity that you are somehow failing. Yes, this is an incredible moment to finally sit down and learn Wonderwall on that guitar you bought three years ago and never touched or finally put the energy into that side business you’ve been dying to start or learn Tagalog for your post-quarantine vacation to the Philippines, but if you find yourself laying down for your fifth nap of the day, that’s ok! A little concerning, but ok! This is your time. There are no right or wrong ways on how you choose to spend it. Don’t forget we’re in an international pandemic. It’s fine if you aren’t overachieving now. Take this opportunity to simply enjoy this extra time you’ve been given. It’s a rare opportunity to explore ourselves and uncover what we can be without the pressures and distractions we place on ourselves and each other. Forget about being bored. Boredom has been known to beget a lot of great ideas.

So often we find ourselves saying “I don’t have the time for…” or “if only I had the time to…” or “if I just had an extra hour in the day…” Well, now we have been awarded that time. Whether it’s finally letting your brain relax or harnessing your energy into that project or projects you’ve put off for forever or simply diving into some self-reflection, take this free time to refresh, refocus and realign.

There’s no right or wrong way to do this and guess what? You’ll still have time later.