Yeah you read that correctly.

That felt nice to type. It’s even more comforting looking at that phrase.

I’m. Over. New. York.

🙂

Lately, I’ve found myself completely disenchanted with this “city of dreams if you can make it here you can make it anywhere hey I’m walking here I think the bodega cat gave me ring worm but I’ll continue to shop at the bodega because the bodega guy sells loosies” New York.

“But why? It’s The Capital of the World!!!” you exclaim as you watch your Metro Card fall into a sidewalk grate while you try to fold your pizza slice in that greasy paper plate.

Thanks for asking. I love a good bitch post.

First of all, it’s expensive. Yes, I knew that coming in and it’s only gotten worse in my six plus years of living here, but there comes a certain point in life where a girl just can’t justify this lifestyle anymore. Call me delusional but $2.75 one-way rides on public transit filled with individuals who are escaping their $2,000+/month 4×4 jail cell, excuse me, “studio apartment” to go enjoy $20 cocktails of which we will consume too many and need to take a $45 Uber pool back home because we can’t afford to live in the good part of town just doesn’t make any sense. Millennials are in the worst debt this country has ever seen and I’m electing to triple the cost of my lifestyle simply so I can say I live in New York? Oh… no.

There is absolutely zero reason why any adult over the age of 25 living in New York City making over $60k a year (while comparably a lot more than many places in the US, isn’t actually a truly sustainable salary for a single, adult in NYC) should be unable to live on their own in a nice apartment in the “good part” of town. Yet, in this magical city of dreams, you find adults well into their 40s still living with roommates or unable to live in the “good part” of town on their own. The affordable, but still safe part of NYC, by the way, inches further and further outward each year.

Thinking about going to Brooklyn or Queens to save money and avoid the craziness of Manhattan? LMAO! Better look into the Bronx before Jenny’s block becomes a Soul Cycle. It’s all over once Soul Cycles parks its brakes in your block and raises the rent.

While New York does have some of the best culture and experiences in the world, don’t bank on it being affordable and/or not packed to the brim with other New Yorkers looking for a fun time. That’s if you were able to even snag a ticket. If it’s worth seeing, it’s likely you are now competing with thousands of other New Yorkers for a very limited amount of tickets. It’s impressive they haven’t started to turn people away at JFK. The only time you can enjoy sweet solitude and not see bodies is in your room. I can’t say apartment because it’s very likely you share the space with one or more individuals/animals. Fun!

Everyone is in New York looking for that New York experience we’ve all heard tell of over the years. “Where’s the world class entertainment scene and unforgettable art? I gotta get this for my Instastory.” While those experiences are certainly here and are amazing, I can’t recall any distinctly New York experience I’ve had that couldn’t have occurred in any city.

In fact, I would argue that New York is not the pinnacle cultural hub in the world anymore. It’s definitely still one of the best in the world, but there are a lot of amazing cities not only internationally, but right here at home that are taking a note from New York and developing a very distinct and innovative cultural experience for locals and tourists alike. If you love art, theater, music, or food, you can easily find amazing, cheaper, and even less crowded options elsewhere. You don’t have to come to New York anymore for that world class cultural moment.

All those people, of course, means, dirt! It is, please look me in the eye when I say this, it is absolutely filthy here. The number of trash tornadoes I’ve, unfortunately, found myself caught in just in the last week alone is enough to make me want to bathe in OxyClean until I feel a semblance of clean again. Take a jaunt down your street in your fresh, white shoes and be fully prepared to change your outfit to match your new beige kicks in about 15 minutes. New York is the fashion capital of the world because we have to constantly adapt our style to the elements. It’s fashion evolution.

Speaking of trash, dating! There’s such a thing as having too many options and that’s the problem we have in New York. We’re very conditioned now to seek out the best and in a city full of young, attractive people who ironically are single because they are all looking for the best thing, you find yourself on a late of first dates, but not so many sixth or seventh dates. You will meet and find people here, but also recognize that everyone is very aware they have options and they will act on them. That may be a generational issue. Besides, how comfortable can you really get with a special friend in your full sized bed that only allows for entry/exit on one side because you slid the bed next to the wall to get 5″ more of space in your room?

People move here for better opportunities and to get “the New York experience,” but is it really any better than other major US cities? Many of those cities are all vastly more affordable (save for LA and San Francisco, which are on New York’s level of “why the fuck am I here I am so poor I can’t even afford to cry because Kleenex is $5” craziness) and offer a comparable and in some cases, better experience. Don’t get me wrong, New York is a great city with a bevy of opportunity, but with the current economical and cultural climate, it just doesn’t seem like the place to be anymore.

Imagine this: You’re in a clean city where you aren’t forced to have roommates due to rental costs. You now have freedom to cook a stir fry naked. Hey, maybe even it’s a nice, high rise building with all new appliances or let’s get wild for a second, an actual house! You have money saved and can afford to take multiple out-of-the-country vacations a year. Going out with friends won’t toss your bank account into cardiac arrest. You got to work without having to come in contact with 275 strangers on public transit and potentially measles. When you go home that night, you don’t have to worry about a rogue plastic bag blowing against your leg and clinging to it because of an unidentified sticky substance. The rats aren’t ready to fight you for ownership of your apartment on a daily basis and you don’t hear a single siren off to save another New Yorker who just couldn’t stomach it anymore when you’re ready to go to bed at 11pm.

Sounds delightful, right? We can have this!

I love New York as a fun to visit city, but living here? It may be time for me to move on. This is a city that will quickly find itself losing newcomers to greener, less expensive and fresher pastures very soon if something doesn’t give.

**hails a cab to JFK**